Nina W. Brown has written a new book entitled Coping with Infuriating, Mean, Critical People: The Destructive Narcissistic Pattern. In it she describes a pattern of behavior which I believe is rampant in Jews for Jesus corporate culture (especially among the leaders of JFJ). I quote from page 3 of the book:
"Constantly makes comments to or about you that are devaluing or demeaning."
"Interactions with this person generally leave you angry, upset, hurt, or resentful."
"You, and others, seemingly have to give their desires, wishes, and needs a lot of attention, care, and priority."
"The relationship began on a high note, you were charmed, but now you cannot do anything to please him or her no matter how hard you try."
"The person cannot be trusted to give accurate information, and frequently lies, distorts, and misleads."
"Demands understanding from you, but gives none in return."
"Uses or takes your possessions without permission and/or fails to return them."
Brown calls these behaviors a "Destructive Narcissistic Pattern (DNP)." Does this pattern sound to familiar to anyone who has worked in JFJ? I'll write more about this in the coming days.
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14 comments:
the JFJ people are too puffed up with their prideful boasting to understand, I know I was when I was part of the cult
Gee, I have been with Jews for Jesus for three years now (as a lowly missionary), and hadn't noticed all this behaviour before. Not that I've met everyone in the ministry yet - there might be the odd person - but I certainly haven't seen anything like this from a cultural perspective within the ministry.
What can I say, I'm either very blind or very stupid. It could be my pride getting in the way - although I don't know what I am supposed to be proud of. Neither I nor the ministry are perfect, to be sure.
Since I don't see it, I have to give the ministry the benefit of the doubt that it is not there. Either this behaviour is not present in the culture of the ministry today, or it was never there, or it was present in the milieu you were operating in. Don't know, but this is where the Lord has called me to serve Him, and JfJ has been a good place to serve.
Sorry you had a bad time with the JfJ ministry guys - it's a demanding one I know. It seems a shame that you have to live in bitterness about it, though. It's not healthy to hold on to either physically, emotionally or spiritually. My prayer for you is that the Lord heals these wounds in your heart and helps you to move on.
Oh and btw Simon: A cult?! - love to hear your definition.
Best regards for the New Year,
A not so bright Jew for Jesus
Matthew 5:21-24
Thanks for your comments Richard. I do recall being a 3 year in wide-eyed, trusting "lowly missionary" as well.
I would have responded in much the way you are doing now. I kept a journal of my time in JFJ and looking back can see the destructive patterns that happened then, and still occur to people who I (and others) speak to, who are spat out of the JFJ machine.
Thank you for your prayer that the Lord will heal the wounds, he has. Yet the onus is now on us, the healed ones to warn those who inevitably will be hurt.
I hope your experience continues to be positive, I wouldn't wish for it to be otherwise, and humbly help us as we humbly seek to help those who are hurting. Thank you.
Hello Richard, Glad you are willing to come forward and post here. Can you clear something up? Seeing that you are in Canada, would you please tell us if the following is true?
Marcelo was fired because he got married without permission of Jews for Jesus' leadership.
If the reason given is, "he violated the terms of the covenant," on what basis don't you see such a "covenant" as a "cultish" device to control the personal behavior of workers such as yourself?
What is the status of the relationship between Marcelo and "the ministry"?
I once loaned someone a book and when I was leaving and asked for it back, I was told almost a direct quote, "It's mind now. How else do you think I build my library?" Sounds a little familiar ... doesn't it?
I suppose if it was your original copy of "Sayings of Chairman Moishe" and the person was Moishe Rosen - I'd hve to concede the point.
Not Moishe but close. And it was a book by Philip Yancey!
Yancey's books are pretty good, I can send you one of mine.
Yancey's books are pretty good, I can send you one of mine.
Richard, I'm sure you're not stupid and I appreciate your self-deprecating humor. However, it appears you might be engaging in some "ignorance is bliss".
In the decades since I left Jews for Jesus, reports still continue to emerge that people are treated in un-Christian fashion.
Were you aware that on a Summer Campaign during David Brickner's tenure, the entire team of volunteers and staff were sent out on a night sortie to punish the campaign leader for letting them stay in to enjoy Chinese dinner? They returned to cold food and low morale.
To this comment:
Sorry you had a bad time with the JfJ ministry guys - it's a demanding one I know. It seems a shame that you have to live in bitterness about it, though. It's not healthy to hold on to either physically, emotionally or spiritually. My prayer for you is that the Lord heals these wounds in your heart and helps you to move on.
It appears that the prayer that we would just "move on" is oft recited.
I am quite well, thank you. But until Jews for Jesus becomes a morally healthy ministry, I will continue commenting here and advocating that people steer clear of it.
Richard, I'm sure you have a heart for serving Jesus, but ask yourself this - why is JfJ "demanding"? Does it truly need to be that way? Do other Christian ministries put demands on their staff's lives so as to actually put controls on where they may live, whom they may marry, etc.?
Is it still an unstated policy that too much time away from your high-demand schedule would cause you to be "unmotivated"?
You may need or desire to have that level of control asserted over you and you may even thrive under it. But it is my contention that 1) this does not bring about God's righteousness and 2) it is unhealthy.
If this works for you, then fine. May God bless you where you serve him.
Yes, other ministries are demanding of time and put life requirements on one. In fact, the assumption (and commitment) I had made entering Jews for Jesus was just so. One of the questions my wife and I asked of ourselves is whether we would seriously accept that commitment, even though we understand we'd would most likely be coming back home to Toronto after training (which we did).
The nature of ministry is particularly demanding, because the call to witness to all Christians is demanding. It calls for an incredible amount of selflessness - for washing the feet of others. It calls for sacrifice - of time and of effort. This is not merely the call of Jews for Jesus - it is the call of all God-centered ministries - precisely because it is the call of our Lord:
"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. (Matthew 10:37-39)"
He also said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. (Matthew 16:24)"
This is Christ's call. Jews for Jesus, as do many evangelistsic ministries act accordingly. Clearly, if someone is not prepared to do this - they should not enter into such ministries. Bitterness over this expectation is not comely, however. I have not had an easy time of ministry, but if I felt the need to leave - I would do so knowing that both the ministry and I have tried together and I failed.
Why do you tear down brothers and sisters in Christ (assuming you are in Chirst), imperfect though we all are, in the work that God is calling us to do?
And if you are a believer in Christ, why do you do this before non-believers?
This is not the fruit of the Spirit. Indeed it goes against Scriptural tenet: "If any of you has a dispute with another, dare he take it before the ungodly for judgment instead of before the saints? (1 Corinthians 6:1)"
And if you are not a believer in Christ, then does this not put into question your anger - since you will clearly not understand our Scriptural understanding of this all?
Look, personally I don't care what you say or do about Jews for Jesus. If the Lord is with us - what can you do? I just want you to consider what you are doing before God.
Blessings
Richard Muller
BTW I am a pastor and deacon in my church. I conduct a regular Sunday School in my church, and occasionally preach their with no difficulties. So things have changed.
Richard, your experience so far with JFJ has been positive. Good for you. I hope it continues to be positive. But ask yourself this question: does your good experience (so far) with JFJ invalidate all the bad experiences that many others have had?
One more thing, Richard. If you should ever get dumped by JFJ, don't completely blame yourself. The structure of JFJ is such that individual missionaries are dispensable. Many families have suffered because of this ungodly practice.
Please don't blame the victims, Richard. You might be one of us someday.
Why do you tear down brothers and sisters in Christ (assuming you are in Chirst), imperfect though we all are, in the work that God is calling us to do?
Richard, as I mentioned earlier, if you can serve there, then God bless you. However, many people went into the ministry without the benefit of knowing the level of control and abuse they will face.
The verses you chose indeed show that the Christian life is demanding. This is a reality I accept.
Do you have any good biblical accounts that show how the persecutions we believers face will come from the hands of other believers?
Jews for Jesus, as do many evangelistsic ministries act accordingly.
Please cite other sources. I'm interested in knowing.
And if you are a believer in Christ, why do you do this before non-believers?
Simple. Jews for Jesus holds that organizations cannot repent. Since there can be no reconciliation with an organization, I will do only what I can - make the abuses of its culture known.
Jews for Jesus has counted on the silence of the many who left grieved to continue abusing people.
I'm sorry that you cannot or will not see the difference between a "demanding" and an "abusive" action. But, like you said, I just want you to consider what you are doing before God.
As an ex-christian I am not surprised by the comments here. I am now agnostic and love it. Few people choose their religion. That is decided for most of us before we are born by either parents of the society we found ourselves in. If there is one creator, it would stand to reason there would also be one doctrine/religion so there would be nothing to argue and hate one another over.
I believe we were all created with a mind and the ability to reason and use common sense. All mankind ever needed to know was to treat everyone with respect and take care of this planet we live upon.
There is no group chosen by any god to be above another. Religion has caused more hate and bloodshed than any other organization. The OT is filled with murder, theft, rape, enslavement and pure hate.
The NT teaches us to bow down and live in misery in this life and hope for something better in the next.
I have a hard time imagining the powerful force that created this universe to be so petty as to desire the worship of a race who can't even live in peace with his own fellowman. A force that powerful would have no need of worship. Religion, all of it, was concocted by manipulating con artists to control the simple. The simple still follow these cons today even though it should be well understood that the bible is a farce written by liars. Christianity is a branch of Judaism and the OT god hated gentiles! I highly suggest the reading of The Age of Reason by Thomas Paine which can be found on several sites..for free. Even in the 1700's people knew the bible was a forgery. I just wish I had read that book years ago.
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